


le soleil et la lune;

by mizukata



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, Gen, Japanese names + terms, Vignette Collection, look at me trying to be consistent, pieces may or may not be related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizukata/pseuds/mizukata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>with the sun comes light and with the moon comes darkness, and together there is a precarious balance of harmony and discord.</p><p>(or: the Dark Knight, the false princess, and their dance upon the wheel of fate.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2 AM / linger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: _le soleil et la lune (french)_ = the sun and the moon. i might have a thing with french words/phrases.

**i  
2 AM / linger**

The books in the Northern Citadel's library are freed from their shelves and cleared of their dust as they are held by small hands and careful fingers, and their pages are able to relay their knowledge and wisdom as they are set open and laid upon a table. The inked words are made visible by candlelight and each sentence is read not only once, but twice by his eyes; brown and wide open as he flips through each page, one after another and one after the other.

There is a large grandfather clock in the middle of the library, towering over the sea of bookshelves in the wide room - it had rung so much earlier ago, bringing out the dull sound of a bell that echoed throughout the library. He looked up but however, it was only to see the state of his light source - beside the stack of books he had set beside the table were a number of candles, ready to be lit.

And so, the young boy, the young prince resumes his reading.

Time loses him, and he loses Time as well - Time cannot draw him away from what he reads, what he learns.

(He loses his awareness as well and he fails to realize that later on, he drinks tea from a cup that he had not set on his table on the first place.)

.  
.  
.

Chamomile and vanilla? he says, without looking up from his book.

There's no reply, but a few seconds later there is a cup set on the table and he looks up. Kamui looks back at him, long white hair tied in a braid and a small smile on her face.

Chamomile and vanilla with one cube of sugar. Is that to your liking? she asks.

I could ask for something better, but I suppose I have to make do with this.

She laughs softly. He picks up the cup and takes a sip, his eyes set on the left side of the book, on page 564's third paragraph.

Perhaps you should get some rest after that book. From all your late night reading each time you visit, I thought you had finished all the books this library has to provide, she says.

Hm. If you would kindly go back to sleep, I might finish all of them in a few more hours.

But you have three more books, including the one you're reading - and they're of different lengths!

Which is simply not an issue with me - in fact, a lengthier book may imply more subjects and discussions of interest.

Leon, you'll be departing early later on. I believe you need to rest.

Kamui's hands reach out to hold both sides of his book and she pulls it across the table, towards her. Leon rests the cup back on the saucer and he looks at her once more to see her frowning at him.

He sighs.

If it matters so much to you, I'll just finish this one. Is that acceptable? he asks.

She blinks and purses her lips. It's his time to frown when Kamui sits down on the seat directly in front of him, elbows resting on the table and chin propped in both hands. 

If you don't mind me waiting for you to finish, she says.

Suit yourself, he shrugs.

And so the young man, no longer a young boy, resumes his reading.

The young woman, on the other hand, says nothing but waits - and as she waits her eyes would set on him, glancing at his hands, his face, his features. Strange - she was supposedly older than him, was she not? He has grown and so has she, but as she stares at him, somehow he gives off the impression of distance; an impression of experience and wisdom that she is yet to have.

.  
.  
.

Time loses both of them, and they lose Time as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2: done with conquest, currently on birthright ch.21 but i'm having too much fun grinding (don't you just love discovering the new skills?) to actually finish it and go to revelations. and oh, i'm suffering from writer's block - hopefully this will help. hopefully.
> 
> 3: on another note, i am takumi/f!kamui trash (thanks, conquest route). but my friend may says that i should write stuff about my conquest husband (who she also married). so here we are.
> 
> feedback, if ever, is much appreciated. i hope you'll enjoy reading up to the last chapter!


	2. metaphor / spectrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _snow white._   
>  **blood red.**
> 
> [breathing you in, when i want you out.](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/zedd/spectrum.html)

**ii  
** **metaphor / spectrum**

When he asks what his other older sister looks like, Marx tells him that her hair is white like snow and that her eyes are strange.

(Marx pauses before he says that, the word _strange._ Leon looks at him with a frown, but Marx does not correct his statement and he leaves it at that, keeping quiet as he sat on his chair with his gaze set out the window, head tilted to the north.)

Before Leon is able to ask another query, Marx stands and leaves for his lessons, lightly ruffling Leon's hair before he leaves the parlor.

.  
.  
.

Leon stands in one of the rooms of the Northern Citadel one cold winter morning, it's the room of his sister named Kamui whose small figure drowned in the white cotton dress she wore. She stares at him, Camilla, and Elise with her mouth agape and her eyes wide open and he stares back at her, eyes set on hers and brows furrowed.

It was their _color_ , not the shape, size, or form of her eyes - were they red, another shade or hue of red, or some other color entirely? He has yet to see that color in the eyes of another: he has seen different shades of brown in that of Father and Marx's, purple in Camilla and Elise's, shades of green, blue, yellow, and even black eyes... but never before has he seen an individual with red eyes, or much or less a shade or hue close to it.

(On that day her eyes - the color of her eyes - become one of his first mysteries, one of the many that he swore to resolve in the near future.)

.  
.  
.

There was a time that Leon overhears some servants of the Northern Citadel engaging in boisterous conversation when he was inside the confines of the library while they sweeping the yard just outside.

(There were three of them, all women and quite large, if he would say so himself. Much more of their time and effort was spent on gaggles of laughter and conversation rather than on the rakes they held in their hands and on the leaves that piled up on ground at their feet.)

Somewhere along their conversation, they mention Kamui. They mention the Second Princess of Anya, who, among the royal siblings, lived alone in the Northern Citadel. They mention the princess in her flowing white dress, walking around the wide halls with her bare feet. They mention the princess who seemingly made friends with her servants, and even with an outsider.

One maid mentions her eyes.

Only demons bear eyes of that color, she claimed.

.  
.  
.

He grows significantly older and so does Kamui, the color of her eyes becoming much more evident - now, he could say that the color of her eyes are akin to objects of bright red: the color of the blooming spider lilies found in Camilla's garden, the color of fresh raspberries, the color of refined and polished rubies.

Their color turns especially bright when she smiles.

(Those descriptions fall flat, lacking and somehow weak - they are not sufficient enough to describe the exact color of her eyes but Leon would have to make do with it, until the day comes that he truly finds something or a word appropriate enough for those eyes that have fascinated him throughout the years.)

.  
.  
.

When she raises her sword against Marx - _no_ , the whole of Anya: him, Father, Camilla, Elise, every citizen - he searches for her eyes.

But when he looks across to the other side of the plateau where she stands, all he sees of her is _red_ , her head up to her bare feet. Somehow she has warped into this entity of _red_ , bright and vividly so. It's the red of spider lilies, raspberries, and rubies combined. Red, like the waving banners and flags bearing the emblem of the Kingdom of Byakuya.  _Red, red, red, red, **red**  _\- his stomach churns, his mind spins, his mouth goes dry and his eyes  _burn_.

( _Only demons bear eyes of that color_.)

Leon's hands rest on Brunhilde and magic seeps onto his fingers, to his veins, to his blood.

.  
.  
.

He stops when he meets her again in the battlefield, the woman with hair as white as snow dressed in polished silver armor.

She stands not so far away from where he is, with her back turned to him and when she does turns around, their eyes meet.

Kamui's eyes widen. Leon holds his breath.

He sees no distinction between the color of her eyes and the blood that trails down the pale skin of her cheek, down the gold metal of her sword.

( _Only **demons** bear eyes of that color_.)

A shiver runs down his spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: i have a repetition problem, forgive me.
> 
> 2: shigure gets aqua's gold eyes, but kanna doesn't get the red ones of male or female kamui. what a shame, really.


	3. sky / distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a prince.  
> a princess.
> 
> (and one plump bird, right in between them.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: our internet connection hecked up last night, so i wasn't able to update this yesterday. yes, i'm trying my hardest to make daily updates for once.

**iii  
** **sky / distance**

Kamui sits at the edge of her bed, the wide windows of her room closed behind her. Beside her was a small saucer with a thin slice of white bread, no doubt for her little guest that was trying to waddle its way closer to Kamui but slipped occasionally on the satin of her black dress. Kamui giggles at the sight and it chirps in response.

For such a small thing its chirp was quite pitchy. He frowns at it when it looks his way, and it gives him a brief look with those beady black eyes then it turns away and chirps. _Again_. Kamui smiles, setting her index finger on its small head, stroking gently. 

(Damned bird.)

You're ought to go and see if today is the day your little visitor can already flap its wings, he says. He stands at her doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, his frown still directed to the ball of brown feathers clearly enjoying the treatment and attention it was receiving from Kamui.

The bird chirps.

Leon rolls his eyes.

Do you think he’s strong enough? she says.

You, Camilla, and Elise have been fawning over that bird for two days. With all the attention and care it's receiving, I have no doubt in my mind that your little pet's wing has recovered - and perhaps it gained even more than it bargained for.

(He eyes the bird again – a more _plump_ creature that’s for sure, a far call from when Elise had first seen the thing in one of the corridors struggling to flap a scrawny wing. Leon suggested a basic healing spell when Elise brought the bird to him, but his little sister adamantly refused and asked how one could properly care for a bird - apparently to little Elise, magic can't provide love and attention that animals needed too... which perhaps the bird got in excess when Elise had asked help from Camilla and Kamui in nursing it back to health.)

Kamui quirks an eyebrow at him.

Are you jealous? she asks.

He scoffs.

Surely you jest.

.  
.  
.

The bird settles comfortably in Kamui's cupped hands as they walked all the way up to Citadel's rooftop, with Kamui humming a little tune on the way and Leon trailing behind her. Occasionally there would be chirps from the bird and Kamui would laugh, saying that the bird was trying to hum along to her tune. Leon would reply with a low 'hm', eyes still set on the little creature.

He’s about to open the door to the rooftop when Kamui stops him, nudging his arm with her hands. He turns around to see her looking down at the bird with a small smile.

We should say our goodbyes first, she says.

You are far too sentimental, he replies.

But what if he flies away the moment you open that door?

It's a  _bird_. It has wings for a reason. Furthermore, isn't that the reason you lot cared for it in the first place?

Hm... I suppose you're right... oh, look!

The smile on Kamui's face widened as she watched the bird shift its position in her hands, turning around to face Leon, its beady black eyes staring right at him. 

The bird chirps.

Leon blinks.

Do you think it's saying goodbye to you? she asks.

Unfortunately, I haven't the slightest idea regarding bird calls, he says with a flat voice. Perhaps it's telling me to open the door and be done with it.

Oh, hush. Come on now, say your farewells!

For the love of - alright then. How does one say farewell to a bird?

Simple!

Without warning, Kamui walks and closes the distance between them, with what little distance left between their bodies set by her cupped hands. 

(He had grown significantly taller by the years and even at her age now, she only reached his shoulders. She mentioned this fact to him once, her eyes not meeting his and her cheeks slightly puffed up. He shortly received a couple of light slaps on his arm when he smirked and claimed her to be quite childish to be upset over such matters.)

Her lips are moving, her voice speaks to him yet it fails to reach his ears; she raises her hands to align them to his shoulders and slowly she unfurls her fingers, allowing the bird to waddle in her hands.

(Her scent; the floral smell of her hair along with her soap - honeysuckle and vanilla maybe, oh so sweet yet subtle - tickles his nose. It wasn’t unpleasant, really, but somehow Leon’s cheeks flush with warmth.)

When she looks up at him, she tilts her head at him and frowns.

(The red of her eyes is much vibrant up close, and only now did he see that mole under her left eye. Her eyelashes are actually quite long, her nose quite small, and her lips -)

 _Brother_ , she sing-songs, are you listening?

Leon clears his throat and averts his eyes.

The bird chirps.

(Damned bird.)

 .  
.  
.

The moment Leon opens the door, the bird  _flies_.

Its departure is quick but a little shaky and Kamui follows it - she pushes Leon slightly when she runs after the bird with her bare feet against the cold cobblestone until she reaches the end of the rooftop; the little space it had preventing her from going any further, from running any farther. Unable to follow, she just stops and stares at the bird flying further away from sight, wings no longer unsteady as it pushed on.

He walks toward where she stands with quiet strides and when they stand side by side there is only silence as they stare at the horizon; at the heaving clouds colored a dull gray, at the fields and mountains around the Citadel, at the lands far beyond their eyes could see.

He no longer sees the little speck of brown, that little bird in the sky when she speaks, her voice soft.

Do you think he can see what's beyond the clouds? she asks.

Leon looks away from the horizon to look at her - Kamui's head is tilted upwards and her wide-eyed gaze is far, set high above. He follows suit and looks above him.

But all he sees is gray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2: remember that one scene from _hunchback of notre dame_? the one after the awesome opening sequence? yeah.
> 
> 3: let's say for this scenario kamui's 18, and leon's probably 16. or 17. something like that. what exactly are everyone's ages, anyway???


	4. lost scene / mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for now, only both of them will ever know.

**iv  
** **lost scene / mystery**

Camilla had been eyeing both of them back and forth for quite some time now, an elbow resting on table with her chin propped in her hand and the other hand tracing circles on the mahogany table.

So, she says.

Both Leon and Kamui look up, the latter meeting Camilla's eyes with a smile on her face and the former looking up briefly from his drink to her. They sit beside each other, but Leon's attention was set on the map before him and Kamui's was on the plate of pastries set on the middle of the table, on the nice sugary fruit tarts Kamui considered as the best teatime snack Joker would prepare for her.

(It was in the middle of the day, a pleasant yet quite uneventful one after a couple of bouts in the arena and a flying trip with Marzia for Camilla. Her visit to her dear Kamui's tree house greeted her with the sight of Leon and Kamui having tea in silence and ever the gracious host, Kamui offered her to join them - which Camilla gladly accepted of course, why deny the polite offer of her darling?)

Who exactly, she points at Kamui first then at Leon with one dainty finger, made the first move?

Leon suddenly chokes on his tea and begins struggling with a coughing fit. Kamui's eyebrows knit together and she looks at Camilla with narrowed eyes, but eventually they widen and color flushes her pale cheeks.

My, you two are adorable, Camilla hums.

W-well! Camilla, perhaps you'd like to clarify -

Oh my darling Kamui, fear not! Rest assured that I am the only one aware of the identical rings both of you now wear on your ring fingers, concealed by your gloves -

 _Sister_ , Leon manages to say but is promptly ignored, since when did you -

Well, myself and Zero that is, he was the first to have suspicions -

Wait,  _Zero_  had suspicions -

Yes dear brother, he is quite sharp after all, I'd expect nothing less from a retainer of yours! Now, back to the topic on hand -

C-Camilla, that sort of story -

It is not one that Kamui or I are willing to disclose -

Is that as of the moment, or should I ask another day?

 _Camilla_!

But _darling_ , ever since my suspicions were confirmed, I've been  _dying_ to know how my little brother asked for your hand -

Sister, will you not -

You thought that you could hide it from your big sister now, now could you? Well, I admit, it took me quite awhile to notice, but -

Camilla is cut short when Leon reaches for her hand across the table, grasping it tightly. She turns her head to look at Leon, his eyes narrowed at her as he spoke in a low voice.

... You haven't informed Marx or Elise of this yet, have you?

A smile only graced Camilla's lips.

Mm, that there is my little secret, although if you could just tell me your lovely tale -

But _Camilla_ \- ! 

(The conversation ends up with both Leon and Kamui's cheeks flushed, the map ignored, the fruit tarts untouched, and Camilla laughing - but much to her dismay, never did Leon or Kamui tell the story of how, exactly, did they end up with rings on their fingers... or rather, who proposed to who.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: camilla is lovely, okay. plus, her japanese support convos with zero tho, i'm not surprised the localization toned it down a notch. she'd probably be very, _very_ informed of the events concerning her siblings' romantic affairs.
> 
> 2: one of my headcanons is that if ever, marx and leon will take a significantly long time to propose to kamui - what may hold them back is the fear of rejection bc who knows, kamui may never see them as anything else but a sibling which they honestly can't blame her for, but hearing that is quite painful nonetheless. plus, they wouldn't want to make their relationship as awkward as it is (afterall, it may take time to swallow that hey, we're not related after all this time).
> 
> 3: in line with the headcanon above, leon may take some time before he's ready to tell his siblings that he would marry kamui. what he's probably dubious about is the approval of marx, and not that of camilla's or elise's.


	5. degrees / impulse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she starts looking at him, in all the right angles.
> 
> (alternatively: what _was_ she planning to do to her little brother?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: our internet loves me, too. *drops on the floor* so much for daily updates ヘ（。□°）ヘ

**v** **  
degrees / impulse**

Kamui stares at Leon sometimes.

(Her etiquette tutors would most likely scold her: a lady, no matter what the circumstances may be, must not stare at others. Brief glances and looks are acceptable, but to stare? It is deemed inappropriate for someone of her standing who is not only a lady, but also princess. In fact, it is the people or the person who are  _supposed_  to stare at the lady, not the lady doing the staring - that was one of the first lessons they constantly emphasized back when she was a child.)

Her eyes would linger to the simplest details - for instance, her brows furrowed when she took notice of his fingers: they are long and lithe, very much like a girl's, evident with or without his gloves on. What's more, his hands are seemingly smooth and clear in comparison to hers - scratches and old scars graced the surface of her fingers, her nails, her palms; but not his.

(She frowned at this - perhaps it was her carelessness during training and battle that ruined her hands, but if even maybe she didn't have those in the first place, his hands would still look far more feminine than hers.)

However, its masculinity is made apparent to her when he takes hold of her hand once - his hand despite its appearance is quite callous and larger than hers and at a closer glance, she could also see faint lines of scars on his fingers, on his palm. Without warning she traces all of them with one of her fingers, counting the short and long scars she could trace, feeling them if whether they were deep or shallow.

(What she fails to notice however, is the increasing warmth of his hand against hers.)

.  
.  
.

Another detail would be his build.

As a young boy, Leon excelled at magic but his physical prowess was left to be desired - he was quite gangly and had little muscle, especially when compared to Marx. As a result, back when they were children, Camilla would occasionally pull Leon into wearing dresses and Elise would pitch in by adding accessories, much to his chagrin - and when they would stare at Leon all dressed-up, Kamui would often comment that he looked very much like a girl; a very pretty one at that.

(It didn't help that when they presented a dolled-up Leon to Marx, he had mistaken Leon to be a noble's daughter... which resulted in intense laughter coming from the three of them, a confused Marx, and a very flustered Leon - who refused to talk to his sisters days after that incident.)

But now that she is able to stand beside him at battle, she sees that gangly child no more. The armor he wore was no doubt of greater weight than hers yet he was able to move around it with ease and wear it all day - when freed from it, she eyes his arms and shoulders; they are still quite lean yet larger and broader than before. The same could be said for his torso, and even his legs - lean yet there was evident sign of muscle, of underlying strength.

He stops her from slipping down the stairs one night, a hand grasping her wrist then with a sudden pull she finds her head resting against his chest and her body held secure by his arms. He pulls away when she regains her balance and he chides her immediately, stating that she should pay more attention to her surroundings and that if she would like to prevent a similar incident, she may as well wear  _shoes_. She laughs it off, thanks him and apologizes, but she is unable to shake off that brief feeling when he had her against him, that feeling of being so small in his arms.

(She is also unable to shake off the scent of him, the smell of eucalyptus - spicy and cool, quite fitting for someone like him - from her memory for a while.)

.  
.  
.

When Kamui catches Leon sleeping on one of the library's tables, his head tilted to side as they rest on his arms, she takes the seat across him.

(She had her own business in the library and she only saw him by chance in that state. Little were the instances that Kamui would see Leon away from the war table or eyes not poring over a book, map, or any political document - but it was _rare_ to see Leon sparing some time to for him to rest. Somehow, a feeling of relief rushed into Kamui at the sight of him in peaceful slumber.)

She watches the rise and fall of his shoulders, how his lips would part slightly each time he breathed in and out. Her eyes surveyed his sleeping face, lips pulling upwards when she notices the length of his eyelashes - were they that long? His hair as well, has time passed by so quickly that his hair now reached his collar?

Slowly she reaches out for him, hand lightly touching the top of his head, the blond strands of his hair soft against her bare fingers. She moves her fingers back and forth gently, as if to pat Leon's head - then somehow they descend lower, fingers trailing down to his ear, then to the side of his face. Just like his hair, his skin is soft to the touch and also cool against the warmth of her fingers.

When she finds herself near to touching his lips she stops - her eyes widen and her mouth falls open.

Her fingers twitch as if to continue to move further to touch his lips, to feel them under her fingertips - but instead she pulls away. She rises from her seat and as quiet as she can she exits the library, breaking into a run. She runs far, passing by multiple rooms, corridors, servants. She runs as long as her legs can take her and when she stops, she wills herself to breathe in, breathe out.

_Ah, no good._

(Her heart still races and her face is far too warm still.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2: if you have no idea where i referenced the second line of the summary, you're a good person. i on the other hand, need to go to church - unless you'd like to join me if you understood lol.
> 
> 3: kamui probably goes through this phase though - now that she knows they're not related, she starts looking at leon (or marx) as men and it dawns on her that 'ah, we're no longer siblings'. and when she starts developing feelings she sorta panics. like. is this romantic or platonic??? so she settles for keeping her feelings secret until she sorts them out. something like that.


	6. seize the day / aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's no easy way to say goodbye...
> 
> ... so baby, [just say goodnight.](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/clickfive/saygoodnight.html)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: i accidentally erased the whole chapter before updating it last night HAHAHA i kinda lost steam 'cause i couldn't remember what i wrote (゜▼゜＊）

**vi** **  
**seize the day / aftermath** **

White lilies cover the elevated stone surface; long, beautiful, and in bloom. Upon entering the room their scent hangs over the place like incense or better yet perfume, sweet yet not too heavy. There in the center of the wide stone room one woman would stand straight with her bare feet against the cold floor, dressed in armor the color of the night skies and with her hands held behind her back.

She stares at the floor under her feet, at that one piece of white cloth surrounded by the lilies. She bought the flowers a few days back, and she had arranged them on the floor in such a way that they encircle the piece of cloth. When moonlight would stream through the open roof, it would illuminate the lilies' petals and the cloth, casting a faint silvery glow in the room that would make the smallest of smiles tug on her lips. It was a marvelous sight, really.

The woman would stand in silence that is until she starts to speak: her voice is chipper as she starts to talk about stories and memories - some of her own or some of others, some old or new, some regarding the past or the present. Her voice sounds loud in the empty space as she talks for minutes that turn into an hour and even into hours, yet she continues to speak, without anyone to hear and without anyone to reply. 

When she is out of tales to tell she suffers again in deafening silence inside the stone room, and after some time she says the word 'goodnight' like a choked whisper before turning on her heel and walking out of the room, and out in the dead of the night.

.  
.  
.

When the woman scales up the ladder that leads to her room, she sees a man on the landing standing near her room's door: little beams of moonlight highlighted the strands of his blond hair, the armor he wore mirrored the color of hers, and in his hands was a purple tome that was snapped shut when he looked up at her. No expressions would grace their faces as their gazes were locked, until the woman moves towards him, towards the door.

(She looks away from his eyes, those brown eyes of his and focuses on her door instead, taking small and steady strides.)

When they stand side by side, her hand is reaching out for the doorknob when he speaks to her. He just says one word with a soft voice and she replies with one word just the same.

.  
.  
.

_Goodnight._

_... Goodnight._

(Kamui opens her door, goes inside her room and locks the door behind her.)

.  
.  
.

It happens the next night again: after her visit to the room with the white lilies, she goes back to her room in the dead of the night and she sees him standing near her door, there to say  _that_ word and nothing else. The next night after that, he's there again to do the same.

On the third night, he says something else.

.  
.  
.

_She isn't our first casualty - I'm sure you know this._

_... She isn't. I know._

_Then_ _when_   _will you stop indulging yourself in self-pity?_

(Leon's voice sounds strangled to Kamui's ears and she gasps when his hands grasp her shoulders, brown eyes staring right at red ones as if to finding the answer within them. Kamui is unable to find the words to reply but he lets go before she is able to say something, and she can only watch him walk away.)

.  
.  
.

Morning and afternoon pass by as quick as night falls and there she stands again in the middle of the wide stone room, eyes still on the flowers, on that one strip of cloth.

She opens her mouth to speak; to start with her tales with a chipper voice but no words come out. Instead, tears flow from her eyes - they slowly flow down her cheeks and down to the floor, and shortly after they begin to continuously fall, just as she crumbles to the floor on her knees with her shaky hands struggling to cover her cries.

When she scales up the ladder again and sees him standing near her door, she walks towards _him_ and not her door, until they stand face to face.

(Her hair is terribly disheveled and perhaps her eyes are still strained from her crying, but still she looks him straight in the eyes just as he does to her.)

Her voice is shaky when she speaks.

.  
.  
.

_She didn't die for me just to cry over her, did she? She wouldn't want me to be this way, would she?_

_I believe Marx said the same words to you, on that day._

_... I feel like a fool._

_... Pardon?_

(Leon's eyes widen when she suddenly starts laughing, tears streaming down her puffy eyes. He reaches for her shoulders to keep her steady, but instead his arms wrap around her in a hug, her head resting on his shoulder. There they stand for time knows how long, his fingers threading through her hair in repeated motions as she buried her head and her cries on his shoulder.)

.  
.  
.

The next night, the woman does not go to the room with the circle of lilies. Instead she's outside her room by the landing, looking up at the clear night skies above her while she waits.

Her ears twitch when they hear the distinct creaking of wood - she slowly counts from one to ten and when she no longer hears the creaking sounds, she turns to her left. The man now also stands in the landing, a few paces away from her.

The smile she gives him is tight-lipped.

.  
.  
.

_... I would be a fool to wish that I wouldn't lose more people important to me, wouldn't I?_

_... I make no promises, but if you will continue on without your strength and determination wavering... Then I assure you, we will do our best to stand with you._

_... Thank you. I make no promises as well, but I swear I will see this to the end._

(Kamui breathes in deeply the night air, cold yet lighter in her lungs - and then she smiles at Leon once more, and it reaches her eyes.)

.  
.  
.

Before she is to leave, she looks back at that tall structure with the room she had placed a circle of lilies.

As she stares, someone takes her hand. She turns around to see that it's his, and he gently her squeezes her hand and gestures to the blue light not so far away - it's the portal that would bring her back into a world far from the world she now stood in; away from the world that was made by a dear friend, a world that was made solely because her dear friend cared and loved her so much.

Kamui whispers something that is carried by the winds, and then she turns away and never looks back.

.  
.  
.

_Goodbye, Lilith... Thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3: poor lilith - i think what made me more sad was going back to her temple after her death and like... she's not there anymore. i can't wait to see more of her in revelations, but i'm still grinding so i guess that will wait.
> 
> 4: y'know, kamui wasn't exactly able to mourn properly for gunter + mikoto + suzukaze (if ever, then again i haven't seen that sequence yet) + lilith + or flora, even... so if they suddenly go crying about it, i wouldn't blame them. 
> 
> 5: i owe my mom this chapter.  
> me: so how do you seize the day?  
> mom: carpe diem? you move on.  
> me: ... what.  
> mom: you can only make most of the moment if you move on from the past, right?


	7. opposite / fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a revelation in the light of day...  
> ... you can't choose what stays and what fades away.
> 
> ([no light, no light -](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/florencethemachine/nolightnolight.html))

**vii  
opposite / fear**

It's not much of a problem at first, really.

There is just  _something_ with Kamui and light that would mix: the way that beams of moonlight would get caught in her hair and make it shine like true silver, the way that candlelight would highlight the crimson color of her eyes, the way that the pastel colors of her dresses would accentuate her fair complexion. Light complemented her so and he watches with wide eyes as it bring out aspects of not only her beauty, but also aspects of her character -  _light_ would be a sufficient word to describe her aura, her disposition; she was a kind, generally amiable soul not only to her family, but even to others. She and Elise may be similar in that aspect, but  _no_ , light could highlight little of Elise's beauty, not as much as it does to Kamui. 

But as much as light complemented her, as much as she was _light_ \- far too light, far too soft-hearted for Father's taste and in the eyes of the Kingdom of Anya - she  _belonged_ in the dark. When he mulls this over, that's where he starts tilting his head as he looked at her in an attempt to see other angles, and that is where it starts to become a problem. Marx tells her during one training session that she is far too merciful with her blows, that she hinders the development of her potential with her kindness. Camilla laments one time that she would hate to see Kamui fighting in the battlefield, for surely if Kamui would begin to slay others with her hands, she may not take it well and break. Elise as well, worries that maybe Father may send Kamui out on missions too, and they'll never see her again.

(Perhaps they worry too much, his siblings - but as he ponders over their words an unsettling feeling settles within him too, but it is gradually quelled when Leon sees that she is still there, she is still with them - Kamui was still as light and welcoming as she could be... despite her circumstances being the sheltered princess who lived most of her life confined in the walls of the Northern Citadel.)

.  
.  
.

Fear is a small pale creature with long gangly limbs, no nails on its fingers, and with black beady eyes - it is something that forms in his stomach that scratches at him whenever he watches Kamui - it scratches at him the most when he takes note again of how light would be Kamui's complement, and sometimes it would crawl up to him and whisper at his ear with a small yet eerie voice.

_She is most beautiful with the light._

That is a fact he is close to acknowledging because in all honesty, there is still beauty with her and the dark - but fear whispers something else in his ear. Its whisper is akin to cackle and it speaks its words the same time Kamui turns to him, silver hair blown by the cold morning wind and a bright smile on her face directed to him.

_She cannot be hidden in the dark._

(There's a chill that runs through his body, through his blood - but he accounts all of that to the same cold winds that blow Kamui's silvery hair out of proportion.)

.  
.  
.

Fear rests on his shoulder when Kamui is  _gone_. The darkness of Anya Kingdom that the royal siblings have been well-accustomed to warps into a Stygian environment, and it has thrown all of them out of proportion. They see less and less of Marx, who is sent on multiple missions but none of them concerning Kamui. Camilla, with the help of her retainers attempt to seek out information on the whereabouts of their darling sister, but to no avail. Elise would still keep a smile on her face and the liveliness in her voice, but it was all for naught when she would stare out the window to the Northern Citadel.

 _It's not the same_ , Elise told him one night in tears.  _Without Big Sister Kamui, something's missing._

It truly isn't the same - he sees the ghost of her when he accompanied Elise to the Northern Citadel, dressed in a flowing white dress with her hair flowing freely past her shoulders; standing at the Citadel rooftop with her hands clasped behind her back, passing him by the hallway, sitting in that one seat in the library. Gods above help him, he can even _feel_ the warmth of her fingertips on his skin and even hears her voice echoing throughout the halls; calling out their names with such a light, fleeting voice that was definitely  _Kamui_.

Fear now has developed nails, short and a bit dull, it scratches at Leon's face and still whispers in his ear, its voice grating.

 _She cannot be hidden in the dark_.

Leon's jaw clenches, and his teeth bites his lower lip. Fear relishes it, his facial expression - and proceeds to whisper in his ear one more time.

_She **belongs** to the light._

(It takes time before Leon tastes the metallic pang of blood on his mouth.)

.  
.  
.

Leon sees her again in the midst of the sea of white and red, they are the soldiers of the Kingdom of Byakuya who held their weapons in their hands and determination in their eyes, especially for their First Prince who speaks in a firm loud voice that rivaled that of Marx's. Kamui is quick to find for she is the only woman within them with silver hair dressed in silver armor - and also the only soldier with a gold sword in her hands, glistening under the sunset.

She is the same, as if she had never disappeared from their sight for what seemed like months. Her hair still flows loosely down her back, her eyes are still of a bright crimson shade, her skin is still fair. Fear crawls its way upwards again to his shoulders, its nails longer this time and its voice louder, much more grating as it whispers in his ears.

 _She is most beautiful in the light_ , it says.

His siblings reach out for her both literally and figuratively, arms and hands reaching out and saying words that plead for her return. He is about to say something as well - but he can only watch as Kamui, with her silver hair blown by the wind and her red eyes narrowed, points her sword at Marx's outstretched hand.

Withdraw your troops, she says.

(A haunting laugh echoes in his ears - and just by Kamui's three words, Leon's fears are realized.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: this fic is starting to become my experiment ground - forgive me for inconsistency. or maybe i should just stop writing at 1 AM.
> 
> 2: i have a thing for personification - i also did it for pas de deux, and i'd definitely like to do it again.


	8. passions run / favors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the favor is returned - more or less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: hello there, now why did that rating go up ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

**viii  
** **passions run / favors**

... Hey, close your eyes and stay still.

Kamui blinks, she withdraws her hand that was set on his cheek and letting it fall to her side.

Did I do something wrong? she asks. Leon rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair before narrowing his eyes at her.

Just... come closer to my side.

She tilts her head as she met his gaze, a smile tugging at her lips when he looked away from her quickly; cheeks faintly colored and eyes focusing on anything else around his room but her.

If you insist, she replies.

Kamui moves away from the headboard of the bed and shifted closer to where he sat, folding her legs as she sat on her knees, facing him with her hands on her lap. The smile still remains on her lips as she closed her eyes, and she speaks to him with a lilt in her voice.

You can look now, she says in sing-song.

Leon huffs and Kamui feels a shift in the bed as he moved closer to where she sat. He looks at her for a moment; at the smile that still plays on her lips and at her closed eyes before reaching out for her hands and putting one on top of his own, the cool of his skin against the warmth of hers. His fingertips dance on the surface of her upturned hand, drawing random patterns on her fingers first before descending to her palm. He pulls her hand closer as he presses gently on the scars and cuts of her skin, tracing them with both his eyes and his fingers. For a moment he pauses, and she tilts her head to side when she feels her arm stretch and his breath on her palm.

Leon, what are you -

Kamui squeaks when Leon _licks_ at her palm and fingers, following the lines of scars and the curves of the marks on them until he reaches a part of her wrist. He does the same for her other hand and another squeak escapes her upon feeling his tongue on her skin again; a little rough, warm, and slightly damp. When her hand is finally released and his fingertips begin dancing on her arms again, trailing from her wrist to her upper arms this this time, she breathes in slowly.

... What was that for? she asks.

... Was it strange?

She pauses for a bit, humming at the somewhat ticklish sensation of his touch - first his fingertips would go up her arms then as it goes down he would flip his hand so that his nails would lightly scratch her skin. As if urging her to reply he lightly pinches her skin, causing her to frown.

W-well, it was a strange sensation. But I... didn't dislike it.

Leon smirks, watching the faintest of reds color her cheeks.

Keep your eyes closed, he tells her.

They still are - although, is it really necessary to keep them closed?

Leon doesn't reply but proceeds to move his hands up her shoulders and rubbing them, repeating this motion before his thumbs begin to trace the bones of her shoulders leading to her collarbones. He kneads at skin there, left uncovered by her cotton shirt; the frown on her face easing into the smallest of smiles. Her shoulders relax and she starts humming again, leaning closer to his touch.

When his fingers trail up to the sides of her neck she shivers slightly, lips pursing together.

What's wrong? he asks, hands falling to her shoulders. She shakes her head and laughs.

It's nothing - I suppose I'm ticklish in that area.

Leon hums lowly in response, eyes still set on her neck. He trails his fingers up again and she suppresses a laugh, lips pursing themselves again. He does it one more time with both fingers of his hands on the sides of her neck until she laughs, her hands swatting his fingers away.

S-stop! Didn't I just say I was ticklish?

Hm, I don't remember complaining when you kept playing with my face.

You _did_ , until you eventually got used to - ah!

She lets out a whimper when he starts to nip at the base of neck, teeth grazing lightly on her skin. Her hands grip at her skirt as he angles his head to move slowly up the left side of her neck; leaving trails of small red bites as he goes, each bite he gave rewarded with a small noise escaping her lips. 

I didn't tell you to open your eyes yet, did I? Leon whispers when he levels his mouth to her ear. 

Kamui swallows slowly, licking her lips.

They're... not open.

He chuckles, a low rumble echoing in her ears.

_They'd better not be._

She gasps ever so softly when one hand trails down to the small of her back and the other holds both of her hands in place - she shifts back a bit and he follows, pushing his body as close as possible to hers until she leans back on the bed's headboard. The tip of his nose touches the skin of her collarbone and she  _yelps_ when he flits out his tongue to lick her skin, tracing the lines of her collarbone then proceeding upwards to her neck, licking over the bites he had made earlier. Her breaths become quick and shallow at each contact and she screws her eyes shut when his other hand trails up to her spine, to the back of her neck.

 _L-Leon_ , she says with a quiver in her voice. 

She purses her lips and attempts to steady her breathing, all for naught when he shifts his head to nip at the right side of her neck - a strangled cry escapes her, her hands squirming to break free from his grip. Leon laughs at her resistance, leaving one last bite on her neck before he presses his forehead against hers; his free hand tugging at the end of her shirt and his lips hovering oh so close to her own.

 _If you want to touch me…_ he pauses to flit his tongue to lick her bottom lip and she whimpers,  _just say so._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2: i probably wouldn't last one minute without screeching in fe amie hearing _and_ reading leon's (mamoru miyano, holy shit who put suoh tamaki in) voice + dialogue - or anyone else's for that matter lol. just reading the [translated dialogue](http://aphonicdreams.tumblr.com/post/122353624657/what-is-it-with-nohr-men-and-going-from-innocent) alone makes me go＼⍩⃝／and it's what this whole chapter is based on ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿


	9. connection / inheritance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: me @ daily updates - i have 3 chapters in my backlog, i tried (゜▽゜;)

**ix** **  
connection / inheritance**

She meets her eldest son for a first time in a long time in a simple town and she could find no words other than  _beautiful_ to describe him - the color of his hair mirrored hers and oh how lovely is it that he grew it long as well, forming delicate silver curls that rested past his shoulders. There is a grace in him as he moved nimbly in what was said to be clothes of his own creation, and there is a soothing gentleness in his voice as he attended to the wounded villagers with a staff in hand. When she catches a glimpse of his face, she smiles warmly at the sight of the delicate features of his face.

When she stands close to where he stood she calls out his name tentatively and he turns around to face her, eyes meeting his - red meeting red.

 _Mother_ , he whispers.

(The staff in Foleo's hands drop to the ground and Kamui is pulled into a tight hug - and she hugs him back.)

.  
.  
.

He meets his younger son in a wide plain where fields of wheat grow, the stalks tall and golden and ready for harvest. In fact, his son's hair is almost the same as the wheat in the fields: it is blond like his very own and it is amusingly unruly, pointing upwards and forming spikes. He's quite shorter than he is and definitely  _different_  from him in disposition - one look at that cheerful smile on his face could tell him that ' _ah, he is his mother's child... from their spirit to the armor she wore, and to the unusual habit of walking around without shoes._ '

His son spots him first: they're a few miles apart, but he can see his son's eyes widen upon looking at him and he sees that his son's eyes are brown, much like his own.

 _Papa_! he shouts across the field with a voice so loud and filled with such  _glee._

(Kanna runs towards him with all he has and Leon is unable to move when Kanna just  _leaps_  at him with his arms open, effectively tackling him to the ground.)

.  
.  
.

There's this look in their mother's eyes that makes them waver, that makes their hearts squeeze tightly and urges them to retract their earlier statements, to forget about this whole conversation and call it a night. But  _no_ , both of them take one of her hands into their own and entwine their fingers with hers, and she looks up at both at them with such a heavy expression in her face. Foleo bites his lip and Kanna flinches, but they press on.

 _Please_ , they both say to her. When she says nothing and closes her eyes, both of her hands are squeezed gently.

_Mother, we want to fight - we need to fight._

_We want to protect you and Papa - and everyone too!_

(After much deliberation and after much convincing the conversation ends with both of her children leaving her room with such  _smiles_  on their faces - and Kamui is left to wonder what would happen if, perhaps, she would've just said otherwise.)

.  
.  
.

_Foleo has been quite helpful as a healer - there are many of our soldiers that are grateful to him._

_That I am aware of - Elise has been talking to me about it. However, I believe he holds great magic potential like myself... Perhaps I should talk to him about Brunhilde._

_Oh? Whatever for?_

_As a Prince of the Anya Kingdom and as my son... it is only right that he will inherit Brunhilde._

(Kamui after some time asks Leon if it was necessary for him to pass down Brunhilde to their son and he looks at her strangely but he replies that it is indeed necessary, since Brunhilde has been passed down for generations and that it is a legendary weapon that will no doubt need an equally powerful wielder _._  Kamui says nothing more of the matter, but Leon sees the way she would now look at his tome with that look of utter  _melancholy_  in her face, and it makes him wonder.)

.  
.  
.

_Say, Papa?_

_What is it?_

_You're gonna give your tome to Foleo, right?_

_When the time is right, yes._

_So does that mean mama's gonna give me her sword, too!?_

(Kanna stares him down with such bright, eager eyes that urge him to reply - but for once, Leon is unsure of his answer.)

.  
.  
.

_Kanna's becoming quite skilled with the sword - he truly is your child._

_ Our _ _child, for your information. You're quite adept with the sword, although we all know you're much more capable with a tome._

_Perhaps when the time is right, you'll be passing down the Yatogami to Kanna._

(Leon does not get a reply, for soon after he had spoke they both busied themselves cleaning up the pieces of china on the floor - remnants of a teacup that suddenly slipped from Kamui's fingers.)

.  
.  
.

_Mother?_

_Yes, dear?_

_Do you think I am worthy of carrying father's tome, Brunhilde?_

(Kamui pauses, but she proceeds to tell Foleo words of encouragement, telling him that he should not doubt his worth of carrying Brunhilde - all while some deep part inside her whispers that it isn't her son that was not  _worthy_.)

.  
.  
.

Maybe it would've been better when she moved away from him earlier, near to the edge of their bed: right now they were seated on the middle of their bed with him behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head rested on her shoulder - when she tried to move, he would hold her down without a word and when she tried to squirm out of his arms, she found him stronger than she thought. After a few more attempts of struggling she exhaled a sigh when she's still held in place, and she speaks after some time of staring at the ceiling.

_... Perhaps you'd think I'm being selfish._

_Well, well - that's a first, you of all people being selfish... but I suppose it involves our children, and that's why you're acting this way._

_... I really can't hide anything from you, can I?_

_Hmph. You shouldn't be even hiding things from me in the first place._

(And so she talks about their divine weapons and their burdens: how she felt her heart grow heavy at the mere thought of giving Kanna the Yatogami; her sword stained in the blood of her  _people_ , her real  _countrymen._ She tells him how she would hate to see their children wield such weapons when they hardly knew anything about the war and _why_ exactly did it begin and that they weren't supposed to be fighting with them for gods' sake; they were still technically  _children_ \- she talks and talks until her voice turns raw sobs and tears flow from her eyes - only then did Leon release her, turned her around to face him and pull her close; burying her face into his shoulder.)

.  
.  
.

_Have you ever considered the fact that since they know the terror of war firsthand, they deserve to hold our weapons?_

_What do you mean?_

_They know the feeling of having to fight for their lives every single day they are out in the battlefield. They know how powerful one tome or blade can be in their hands, how a single spell or thrust may take away another's life. They know that if they are to survive in the battlefield, they must be prepared to take other's lives and other multiple risks. Ever since they have decided to step into battle, they have carried the burden: the burden of taking other's lives in order for others to live their own and for whatever their intentions may be for fighting, the burden of coming out alive when others have not; regardless if the deaths of others were done by their own hands or by someone else, regardless is the fallen were foe or ally._

_But Leon... these are divine weapons. They carry so much more power, and that -_

_\- and that, of course, is what is terrifying. With greater power comes an even greater responsibility on the part of the person, especially for us who have been chosen to wield such special weapons. Think of it: with just one simple spell from Brunhilde, if I wished of it, I could wipe out multiple armies of Byakuya soldiers singlehandedly without much effort. You, who wields the Yatogami; could have just brandished that sword foolishly for your self-intentions you could have just masked under the name of 'justice'... but none of those happened, because we as the wielders of these weapons have considered the possible impact they would have not only on others - but even perhaps on the fates of the countries, of the war itself. That's what you fear, correct? Giving them that burden._

_... What I fear is that they can't take the burden._

_You underestimate them so. I firmly believe that they can handle it._

_... How can you be so sure?_

_Simple. They are our children - the sons of the wielders of the Brunhilde and Yatogami, who both came together and have used their powers for the sake of the Kingdom of Anya's future. Furthermore, like the both of us..._

Leon points to a nearby tree where Foleo and Kanna both sat under, both in peaceful slumber as they leaned against each other, Kanna's head resting on Foleo's shoulder.

_... They are not alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2: i integrated here one of my headcanons for my custom f!kamui, aika. as much as she's happy that kanna would want to follow in her footsteps, she really _really_ dreads the idea of handing over the yatogami to him. if married to the male royals, she isn't really happy as well that her eldest kid would hold a divine weapon - she honestly does think that her reasons are selfish, but that's how she just shows she's worried, i guess.
> 
> 3: me @ me - please write philosophical shit when you're not tired and certainly not at 1 AM


End file.
